God's tests... and reminders...

In the past month or so, God has tested my faith in several ways. He has also tested my patience, my resolve, my trust in Him. In the last few weeks, Grace had surgery, my grandpa passed away and my mom had another serious health scare. My hurt and anger and frustration over everything got so bad one night that I just screamed as I prayed to God. I screamed that it wasn't fair that we had to go through all of this. I yelled and said I was MAD. I asked how God could just stand by and watch us suffer like we were. Then, I gave all of that anger and frustration and hurt to God (something I struggle with often). I kind of chuckled as I said, "Here, YOU deal with it for awhile!"

And then it was silent.

That period of silence reminded me of several things. Though God tests us from time to time, he never forsakes us. During the silence, I felt this incredible calm come over me. God took my cares and put them on His shoulders. He was there with me the entire time I was suffering. All I had to do was stop everything to see that. I had to stop trying to control what I should have given to God in the first place. Instead of blaming God for everything that was happening, I began to look at everything positively: If Grace hadn't had surgery, she would still be suffering with chronic ear infections and partial hearing loss. If my Grandpa were still alive, he would be suffering through the pain of heart and kidney failure, while losing his quality of life. If my mom had been at home instead of in the hospital when she had her heart attack, she wouldn't be alive today.

I then began thanking God for all of the little blessings I was starting to notice (I shouted again, only this time with happiness). I need to do this more often (something else I was reminded of).

I also started reading the Bible more (again, another reminder), and looking up special passages to help give me peace and comfort. One of my favorite passages to read was from Jesus' Sermon on the Mount...

"Blessed are those who mourn,

for they will be comforted."

~Matthew 5:4

This Bible verse lets me know that it is OK to feel all of the things I've been feeling lately, because God will comfort me. I just have to believe. I will probably still struggle to give my cares to God. I am, by nature, a "control freak." If I give my worries away, I can't control them any longer, or how I feel about them. But with God's help, I can learn to let go of those urges to control and lay it all at His feet.

"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God."

~2 Corinthians 1:3-4